dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I looked at my own cervix.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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