He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
