I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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