Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
