Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
