Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm having to shit out rocks
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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