she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
