i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
