I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
