That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
