Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
