yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize