I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
