We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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