i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
there is glitter all over my balls
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