i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
accomplished twins. life is a go
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
