If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
