it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize