No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
