Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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