i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
