the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
