The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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