Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
