i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
