Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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