beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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