He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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