So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
