I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
