I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
