There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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