Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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