K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize