Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
