Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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