I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
