Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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