It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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