dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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