every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
