I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
