I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
