she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
