I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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