upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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