you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
