So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
