24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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