I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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