I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
