Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
