I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize