i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
