Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
