Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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