Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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