Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
