I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
