i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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