i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
