I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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