Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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