I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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