i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
