I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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