6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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