she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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