youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
