she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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